I Was Romanced by Mrs. Butterworth

On January 31st, of this year, I had a short but strange dream.

Iimg_20170301_041203 was sitting at my kitchen table eating a stack of pancakes for breakfast and having a conversation with Mrs. Butterworth.

A bottle of syrup!

To make matters even stranger, she was flirting with me … and I liked it!

Now, one can interpret this dream in several ways.

1) It was just a crazy dream. Dreams sometimes make no sense.

2) I was having a subconscious craving for pancakes and Mrs. Butterworth came to the rescue to seduce me with her sweetness.

3) After being dumped in November and realizing that I’ll probably never find human love, I redirected my attentions to a bottle of syrup … who can never leave the confines of my kitchen table and … yeah, this is getting creepy!

What’s even creepier is the fact that I just referred to a bottle of syrup as “who”.

Perhaps it was just a crazy dream.

Or perhaps I was simply wanting some attention and since pancake syrup is the best I can do I lowered my standards and decided to settle.

I don’t know the answer, but if you think about it, one could do worse!

An unhappy partnership or a controlling or otherwise abusive relationship would most definitely be worse than settling for Mrs. Butterworth.

Butimg_20170301_041949 wait a minute!

Mrs. Butterworth!

She’s already married!

Dang my luck!  Well, I guess it’ll have to be Aunt Jemima and me … and here I am, settling once again, because Mrs. Butterworth is unavailable.

Other couples may celebrate their anniversaries and Valentine’s Day, but this couple will be celebrating together on March 7, 2017 – National Pancake Day – the day on which I will attempt to eat my weight in pancakes!

I think I’m going to like this arrangement.

Willing to Star in Pet Food Commercials!

Lassieimg_20170217_141747, Rin Tin Tin, the Shaggy Dog, Benji and Morris the cat all made more money than I will make in my lifetime. I would totally be willing to act excited about a can of cat or dog food and would even eat it on camera for a thousand bucks per commercial.

TO DO LIST:  Send emails to pet food companies.

NOTE:  Do NOT contact cat litter manufacturers!

Important!!! Vicki, refer back to “NOTE”! No matter how good the idea may sound in your head, DON’T DO IT!