Just Plain Vicki Goes Facebooking

Social media is one of an introverts favorite ways to socialize.  The usual stressors which are present when spending physical time with people are greatly diminished in the social media world … but that doesn’t mean it’s completely stress free.

Social media offers its own unique brand of stress, leaving the sensitive introvert with enough stress to cause her (or him) to feel like a social experience has been had, without having to leave the house or see anybody!

Let me demonstrate by taking you along with me for a condensed tour of a fairly typical Facebook session.

My internal monologue is in blue italics.

(Opens Google Chrome.  Clicks on Facebook shortcut.)

Oh my goodness!  33 notifications! 

I think I’ll do a quick scroll-through before checking my notifications. 

(Scrolls through newsfeed)

Oh, look!  Jane’s in a relationship … for the third time this year … and we’re just in the first week of March. 

Should I congratulate her or wait until next week when men are dogs and she’ll never waste her time on another one again? 

I think I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll just pretend I never saw it.  She could be single again by lunch time.

At least when I say I’m through with love, I tend to wait for three to eight years before I embarrass myself again. 

(Scrolls through newsfeed)

(Scrolls through newsfeed)

Why do people have to be so mean?  I don’t like Trump one single bit, but I don’t go around insulting people who do.  I simply hide their posts  so I don’t have to see them.

How did we end up here?

How were our only two choices Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump?

When are people going to realize his character has never been honorable? Even when he was featured in the media back in the 80s he was arrogant … and he’s always been a braggart.

And when are people going to realize that defending his behavior isn’t winning any converts?

(Sighs)

Why do people have to be so mean?  Why can’t people just be nice?

I’m glad my mother’s not having to live through this. Character meant everything to her.

I can’t believe she’s been gone for 25 years now!

I wonder what she would think of me today. I wonder if she’d be…

I need a tissue.

(Blows nose. Scrolls through newsfeed)

Oh, cool!  Somebody started a share-your-favorite-childhood-photo thread.  I think I’ll post one.

Scott was so much cuter than I was.  

Aww, Shadow was such a good cat.  I still can’t believe he dragged a 22-pound turkey from the kitchen to the front door!

I sure loved those overalls.

(Scrolls through photos)

Hmmm…  I don’t really know these people but there are some really cool photos here.

I think I’ll like this one …

and this one and…

THIS one’s so cool!  I’d bet it  was taken between 1948 and 1952.

Let’s see if I’m right. …

What?  Why didn’t they post a date? 

History needs to be documented!

(Sighs. Continues scrolling through photos.)

Oh my gosh!  What an ugly kid!  I’ll bet she wasn’t very popular in school.  She was probably teased and bullied and came home crying every day and felt worthless and ugly and…

Poor thing!!!  I sure hope she grew into herself … or at least developed a good sense of humor!

(Gasps audibly.)

Nobody has even bothered to like her snapshot!  Some of the others have 15 and 20 likes.

(Clicks “Like”)

There!  I hope that makes her feel better.  I need to go back through and like the other ugly kids.

(Reviews photos again, liking all of the ugly kids or those who haven’t received any likes yet.  Continues scrolling through newsfeed.)

Sandra just posted a video – says it’s hilarious.  I guess I’ll check it out.

(Watches clip of kittens being cute and acrobatic…)

Aww!  It’s not hilarious but it’s cute!

(The next clip on the video shows a man sledding down a hill and is stopped suddenly when he accidentally scissors a tree)

“NOOOO!  NOT FUNNY!  No! No! No!  That’s awful!”

(Stops video one-third of the way through.)

Oh my gosh!  Poor guy!  I wonder if he’s okay.  How can people think people getting hurt is hilarious?  He could have died!

I need another tissue.

(Scrolls through newsfeed)

Nope!

Nope!

Nope!

Nope!

If they didn’t turn these images into dares by adding “Share if”  I might just share some of them, but I’ll be a fire hydrant in Dogland before I let some meme tell me I don’t love God because I didn’t share.

When did one’s loyalties start being defined this way?  It’s like a 21st century digital chain letter that uses guilt and bandwagon techniques to get you to prove love, loyalty or memory simply by clicking a five-letter word.

How did we prove that we loved God before Facebook?  It’s not like we sent postcards to all our friends twice a week reminding them that we love God!

How absurd!

God knows how I feel without having to…

(Scrolls through newsfeed)

Oh, look!  Laura just posted in our introvert group.  Let’s see what she has to say…

What the ****?

Somebody just insulted her!  Her comment wasn’t even offensive!

That’s not fair!

That’s just wrong!

I better say something to this bully before Laura has to read this crap!

(Leaves comment for bully.  Firmly puts her in her place, without being unnecessarily mean – but just enough so she should feel ashamed of herself.)

I sure hope Laura doesn’t get her feelings too awfully hurt.  Poor Laura!  She didn’t deserve that!  Why do people have to be so mean?

I’m so mad I’m shaking!

I can’t do this!  I’ll check my notifications later.

I need to go on a bike ride or something.

(Logs out of Facebook. Spends next two hours obsessing over the troubling Facebook posts. Decides to post the experience on blog and returns home to write.)

The end.